sonu kumar
Posted On: 09-04-2019
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Three mistakes of my life

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Sixteen

Where's your smallest chocolate cake?' I was at Navrangpura's Ten, the best
cake shop in Ahmedabad. Vidya turned eighteen on 19 November 2001. She
could now officially make her own decisions. Unofficially, she had done that since
birth.
'No bag please,' I said as I kept the cake box in my rucksack of books. I kept
the rucksack upright in my lap until I made it to Vidya's place.
Entering Vidya's house while hiding a cake was hard enough. Ish being in the
house made it worse. India was playing England It Kolkata Eden Gardens in a
day-night match. Ish had plonked himself in front of the sofa with sandwiches,
milk, chips and biscuits - everything that he needed to survive for the next eight
hours. Ish's dad sat on the dining table, continuing his PhD on the newspapers of
India. As was often the case when Ish was around, uncle had a disgusted
expression on his face.
I snuck the rucksack between my arm and side body to keep it horizontal.
'India's batting - Ganguly and Tendulkar. Seventy no loss after ten overs,' Ish
said and screamed, 'Mom, sauce!'
Uncle picked up the ketchup bottle from the dining table and banged it as hard
as possible on the coffee table in front of his son.
'Thanks dad,' Ish said. 'Can you move. Can't see the TV.'
Ish's dad gave his son a dirty look and moved.
'Sit no,' Ish said to me.
'Tuitions,' I said, pointing to Vidya's room.
'Oh, you've come for that. She's studying on her birthday, dedication dude.'
'Some people are serious about their lives...,' Ish's dad ranted while still
reading his paper.
Ish pressed the volume button on the TV remote as loud as possible in protest.
'His mother has made him into a monster,' Ish's dad said and left for his
bedroom. Tendulkar struck a four and the monster clapped.
'Don't worry, dad's fine,' Ish said as he saw my nervous expression. 'Hey, wish
her and all. She'll like it. I forgot this morning.'
Ish grabbed a sandwich and topped it with lots of chips and ketchup. He took a
big bite. My friend had found bliss. I had to find mine.
I climbed the stairs, my heart beating fast. 'Happy birthday, Miss Eighteen,' I
greeted as I shut the terrace door.
She wore a shiny red kurti and white pants. The choice of clothes was a bit
over the top but it was ok on a birthday I guess.
'Did you know eighteen is the only number that is twice the sum of its digits?'
she said.
I took out the cake and placed it on the white plastic table.
'A cake from Ten! Someone is going high-class,' she teased.
'You like chocolate. They have the best.' I opened the box. She stood up from
her chair and came next to me to see the cake.
'You've changed since we have had this thing.'
'What thing?' I peeped into her big eyes.
'This thing,' she said and came forward to kiss me. We kissed during almost
every class since the last month, so it wasn't a big deal. Sometimes we kissedeverytime she solved a problem. At other times, we took a kissing break every
fifteen minutes. Once, we didn't kiss at all as she did a mock test. However, we
made up for it in the next class where we spent the first ten minutes kissing and
the rest discussing her mistakes. When we felt desire, we kissed. When we felt
guilty, we studied. Somehow, we balanced mathematics and romance within the
hour quite well.
We went to the edge of the terrace. The last bit of sunlight disappeared as the
sky turned dark orange. The evening breeze held a chill. At a distance, we saw the
dome of Omi's temple.
She entwined her hands with mine and looked at me. 'You tell me,' she said as
she removed a strand of hair from her face, 'should I become a doctor?'
I shook my head.
'Then how do I get out?'
'Apply to whichever college and just go,' I said.
'How?' she said as she tugged my hand. 'How will I even get the application fee
to apply? How will I support myself in Mumbai?'
'Your parents will eventually come around. They will pay for your studies. Until
then...'
A loud roar went through the pol and startled us. India had hit a six.
'Until then what?' she said after the noise subsided.
'Until then I will support you,' I said. We looked into each other's eyes. She
smiled. We took a walk around the perimeter of the terrace.
'So my tutor doesn't believe I need to figure out maths problems?'
'Figuring out the maths of life is more important,' I said. 'What's that?'
'Who you are, what do you want versus what people expect of you. And how to
keep what you want without pissing off people too much. Life is an optimisation
problem, with tons of variables and constraints.'
'Is it possible to run away and not piss off my parents?'
'You can minimise the pissed-off state, but can't make it zero. We can only
optimise life, never solve it,' I said as we came to a corner.
'Can I tell you something weird?' 'What?'
'When you talk hardcore maths, like these terms that totally go over my head,'
she said, her hand in take-off motion above her head.
'Yes.'
'It turns me on.'
'Vidya, your boldness...,' I said, shocked. 'Makes you blush, right?' she said
and laughed. 'So we are cutting this cake or what?' I said to change the topic.
'Of course, follow me to Café Vidya,' she said.
We slid under the water tank and sat on the floor. She had brought six pink
cushions and a rug. 'I brought them from my room, so we can have a little party
here,' she said and passed a couple to me. Under the cushions, she had a stereo.
'Music?' she said, her face pretty as a song. I nodded.
'I'll put on Boyzone, my favourite,' she said. I took out the packet of eighteen
candles that came with the cake.
'Let's light all of them,' she said.
I wanted to go switch on the terrace light as it had become dark.
'Let it be,' she said and pulled my hand as she lit the eighteenth candle.
'What if someone comes?''Both my parents have bad knees. They never climb up to the terrace. And Ish,
well there is a match on.'
We heard two consecutive roars in the pol. The Indian innings had reached the
slog overs.
She released my hand as I sat down again. She looked beautiful as the
candlelight flickered on her face. A song called 'No matter what' started to play.
Like with all romantic songs, the lyrics seemed tailor-made for us.
No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true
The candle flames appeared to move to the rhythm of the music. She cut the
cake with the plastic knife that came in the box. I wished her again and put a
piece of cake in her mouth. She held it in her mouth and leaned towards me. She
pushed me back on the cushions and brought her mouth close to mine for my
share of the cake.
She kissed me like she never had before. It wasn't like she did anything
different, but there seemed to be more feeling behind it. Her hands came to my
shoulders and under my shirt.
The music continued.
I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know this love's forever
That's all that matters now
I don't know if it was the candlelight or the birthday mood or the cushions or
what. But it was then that I made the second mistake of my life.
I opened the top button of her kurti and slid my fingers inside. A voice inside
stopped me, I took my hand out. But she continued to kiss me as she unbuttoned
the rest of her top. She pulled my fingers towards her again.
'Vidya...' By this time my hand was in places impossible to withdraw from for
any guy. So, I went with the flow, feelings, desire, nature or whatever else people
called the stuff that evaporated human rationality.
She took off her kurti. 'Remove your hand, they won't run away.'
'Huh?' I said.
'How else do I remove this?' she said, pointing to her bra. I moved my hands to
her stomach as she took the bra off and lay on top of me.
'Take it off,' she said, tugging at my shirt. At this point, I could have jumped off
the terrace if she asked me to. I followed her instruction instantly.
The music didn't stop, and neither did we. We went further and further as the
tiny cake candles burned out one by one. Sweat beads glistened on our bodies.
Vidya didn't say anything throughout, apart from one time in the middle.
'Are you going to go down on me?' she said, after she had done the same to me.I went down, and came back up. We looked into each other's eyes as we
became one. The screams from the pols continued as England lost wickets.
Only four candles remained burning by the time we finished. We combined the
six cushions to make one mattress and lay on it. Only after we were done did we
realise how cold and chilly it really was. We covered ourselves in my jacket and
dug our cold feet inside the lower cushions.
'Wow, I am an adult and am no longer a virgin, so cool. Thank God,' she said
and giggled. She cuddled next to me. A sense of reality struck as the passion
subsided. What have you done Mr Govind Patel?
'See, I still have goosebumps,' she said and lifted her arm. Little pink bumps
dotted her flawless, fair skin.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, Govind, what are you doing right now? Touching her
goosebumps? The voice in me grew stronger.
I am so glad this happened. Aren't you?' she said.
I kept quiet.
'Say something.'
'I should get going.'
'Don't you like it here?'
'Here? You realise we are on top of your dad and mom and brother?'
'Stop freaking out,' she said.
'I am sorry. I am nervous,' I said.
'Don't be,' she said and hugged me. She felt my body shake. 'You ok?'
I didn't know why, but I had tears in my eyes. Maybe I felt scared. Maybe
because no one had held me like that ever and asked if I was ok. Maybe because I
never knew it would be possible for me to feel like this. Maybe because I had
betrayed my best friend. I normally never cried, but with so many reasons at the
same time, it was impossible not to.
'Hey, I'm the girl. Let me do this part,' she said. I looked into her moist eyes.
I sat up and dressed. We came outside as the moon lit up the terrace. I
checked my watch. I had overshot the class time by thirty minutes.
'I love you,' she said from behind as I opened the terrace door.
'Happy birthday,' I said and left.
'Hey, you missed the best part. We will win this. Stay on,' Ish said as I reached
downstairs.
'No, I'm quite tired. I'll watch it at home,' I said as I reached the main door.
'Eat dinner, son,' Ish's mother said as she set the table. 'I've made special
dishes for Vidya's birthday.
'No aunty, my mummy has cooked at home as well,' I said. I had already
celebrated her daughter's birthday.
'Such a good boy,' she said fondly as I left the house.

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